The Flu or Like the Flu?

Flu symptoms include fever, cough, sore throat, runny or stuffy nose, headache, muscle aches, and extreme fatigue.

Then what are “flu-like symptoms”? Well, they would include a fever, but not really; a sore throat, but not really, a headache, but not really, etc.

The day Rudy Giuliani had his jet turn around so he could check into the most local hospital with his “flu-like symptoms,” I had a migraine accompanied by symptoms of the flu. So did thousands of other people across the country. It never occurred to me to call a doctor or check in to a hospital or try to turn a plane around. I called in sick, put an icepack on my head, and waited for the pain to go away.

Okay, we all know there’s no real equality. Planes turn around for the rich, the popular, and ex-mayors of major cities who happen to be running for president; and hospitals have special entrance doors for the same people, which means that hospitals are not unlike night clubs.

I guess the difference between a flu symptom and a flu-like symptom lies in the diagnosis; that is, if the patient indeed has the flu, they’re flu symptoms, but if it turns out that the patient has a different illness, the symptoms are flu-like. That means, Giuliani didn’t have the flu. He had something far more exotic or dire or dull.

He’s not my problem, though. He would be my problem if he became President of the USA, but that’s unlikely. Giuliani has too many Napoleonic qualities; too Bushy. Oh, dear; and then there’s the wife.

Once again, I have to ask why news reporters all used the same phrase “flu-like symptoms” instead of hunting down specifics. I flipped channels; I checked the online newspapers; I listened to the radio. Every reporter used the same phrase: “flu-like symptoms” (although the NY Times used the two terms interchangeably).

Come on; we all know that “flu-like” is a euphemism for “hangover” just as “exhaustion” is a euphemistic way of saying "overdose." We need a new crop of reporters; and, since that’s not going to happen, how about a less mysterious set of euphemisms?